- Thank you for calling Hesner�s T. Towing. How may I help you?
- I just picked up my �92 Accord from your lot, and there is a huge turd in the back seat.
-A huge turd?
-Yes.
- And there�s�there�s what in the back seat?
- A..a.. turd. A piece of..a big-assed human turd in the back seat of my car.
- Ma�am I assure you our guys do not take a dump in your car. If you want to bring that car back and we�ll take a look at it.
- You..oh you wanna take a look at it? My car is fine, it�s that big-assed turd in the back seat.
- Okay, what would you like me to do?
- I ...Okay, how about I go over to your house and piss a loaf on your couch? How about that?
- Ma�am, what would you like me to do to fix the situation?
- I want somebody to come over here, get this turd off my back seat�
- That�s not going to happen.
- �leave�.my car�What do ya mean �that�s not going to happen�?
- You can bring the car here and we can take a look at it.
- I am. I�m gonna bring it back there, you know what I�m gonna do? I�m gonna take a dump in every last car you got there. I�m gonna pee on your counter. I�m gonna do it all.
- Okay ma�am.
- Show you how it feels.
- Okay ma�am.
- Y�know what? You sound like a big burly man, it probably came out your ass.
- Oh..yeah..I�I�I don�t make it a habit of going out and taking a dump in the car.
- How much do you weigh?
- Er..about four hundred pounds.
- That�s your turd. That�s your�
- That�s my turd huh?
- Yes
- It came from a four hundred pound man, huh?
- That�s from a four hundred pound man. Either that or a gorilla. I�m driving this car right to my lawyer�s office, and I�m gonna let the whole world see�you gonna be on the news this evening buddy. I�m gonna get Seven on my side, watch. You gonna be on the news.
- Can you describe the�the�the I mean, what does it look like?
- You know what it is, it came out your ass. What the hell is�what kind a..asking me what color. I tell you what, it smells ungodly, that�s what it smells like. It smells like you sold your ass to the devil�that came from the pits of hell. 
- Well, how big is it? How long is it? 
- It�s about as long as my arm. I don�t think it�s fun�.why y�all�this is not funny. I got a damn two by four in my back seat. Y�know I think�I think this is a racial shit too. That�s what this is�uh-huh. Little kids are running away from it. 
I�m glad y�all find this funny.
- Ha�ha�Okay
- Er�wha�you probably piss on the steering wheels too, don�t you?
- Alright, alright. How�how long does it look like it�s been sitting there?
- Steam is coming off of it, Okay?
- Ste�steam is coming off of it?
- Yes.
- I am taking�this..it�s a fresh turd.
- Okay. What you need to do is you need to bring that turd back, and we�ll match it up, we have a line up, we�ll match it up with the..er..with the other turds that we have. Well what you need to do is learn how to use a toilet.
- Are you saying that you�re not gonna bring the turd back to me?
- No. You know what?
- Just a sample?
- No. I�m starting to like it.
- You gonna keep it as a pet?
- I gonna keep it, �cos it�s a nice lo�.you know what? It�s a nice conversation piece.
- Okay, cool.
- Okay?

 Vocabulario

picked up = recoger, buscar
lot = aparcamiento, estacionamiento
turd = cagall�n, zurullo, mierda
take a dump = 'cagar'
couch = sof�
fix the situation = solucionar el problema
to pee = 'mear'
counter = mostrador
burly = fornido, membrudo
ungodly = imp�o, no religioso, atroz
pits of hell = lo m�s profundo del infierno
match it up = agrupar 
line up = alinear, poner en fila